so much ...soo much..... i sadly have a gf now.....and against my best efforts i really REALLY didn't want one......which is funny cause i made the first move...yea i know i wasnt thinkin with my head i was thinkin with my dick...wellll THAT AINNNTT TRRUUEE ...she is cute but its a lil more...i dont know what made me kiss her...i could be like every other freakin person out here and say it was fate or destiny but i dont have the ability to believe in that crap.... ..she looked cute and i felt like she needed saving...apparently i saved her and now she doest want to let me go...i dont mind..ill stay till she leaves cause thats what i believe love or friendship is mostly about, staying till i aint that useful which is okay now i dont expect to keep all my friends or even her because i care enough to lose them so they can be happier if ever need be....but i aint like other people who do it for depressing reasons and neither do i believe im beyond shit like some emos out there but i believe true love in a friend or in a partner takes sacrifice which could mean if ur lucky u get to stay with them or if need be so that smile and happiness countinues u leave them so they can have another friend who makes them laugh more or another boy/girl to make them love more, many people live for different reasons and i believe my reason is for sacrifice ...its all worth it mostly every once in a while u meet a cute girl who needs that knight type or a pat on the back from a buddy saying how much a good guy you are for what u did....most of the time...the future is what scares me,,,,i see myself in debt and alone...the seemingly endless loss of loved ones might even tear at my own mind.....so even if im mad, alone and in debt at the end thats not what its about...its not about where i am before my death or where i was after my birth for that matter...its about my journy there ...and therw sacrifice so far ive seen enough people smile to handle the debt and maddness.....now love....welll there was only one thing i loved and that was my dream of my very own famliy.....i miss that dream.... so bad we cant be kids forever ya know....i would have enjoyed it a lil longer tho.....im pretty sure i found my reason....i dont believe at im rightous or that im better i just think im a bit lucky i found my place.....
but fuck...IT SURE FUCKIN SUCKS lol....